philidendron

Happy Newness

2012-01-02T01:51:00.001-06:00

Oh hey, it's my birthday. And a new year. And a new blog post. Back in bizness.

I say: Happy newness to all. Whether you adopt a new look, birth a baby, set intentions for better living, recover more of your self under layers of old, or take risks you know (in your head) will reap benefits but that terrify you (in your guts).

Be kind. Love yourself. Take leaps of courageous faith. Seek beauty. Feel however it feels. Realize the peace within, dude. It's there, right next to the unconditional, pretty much perfect love and acceptance you maybe forgot.

That year is gone now. I'm grateful for so much in those memories. But I can't go back to relive those scenes and there's no use in dwelling on what i could have should would have done.

Now I face the daily task of living in the now and here, in my body (not just me noggin'). Lately, during winter break from teaching, I've noticed my body breathing for me--the deep breaths that used to annoy now just happen, calming me down even when my brain is still trying to race. Listen to your body, dude. It's tense, tired, hungry, dancy, angry, weepy, cuddly, alive. Sometimes it knows better.

Peace.

Being a Bridge: Accepting God's Love

2011-06-23T10:30:00.000-05:00

"God is Love."

I've heard that many, many times before. But it's taken me a little over 28 years to finally feel it and believe it.

It seems simple, right? But now I see that God's Love allows us to accept ourselves for who we truly are and then take the ultimate risk of being our whole, honest selves as we interact with those around us. That, my friends, has NOT been simple or easy for me. And I would guess that many people find true self-acceptance to be a daily struggle, whether gay, lesbian, bi, transgendered, queer, OR straight.

This morning, as I think ahead to Pride weekend here in Chicago and then to my Pink Menno work in Pittsburgh, I'm aware that surrendering to my true self and being willing to receive God's love are choices I must actively make each day. I'm thrilled to be going into full-on Pink Menno mode again. But I'm happy to say that this time around, I actually know, feel, and trust that I AM loved unconditionally by God. I've known it intellectually for a long time, but it's only been recently that I've allowed this love (God) to find its way into my spirit.

I have knew motivation for spreading the Good News of Acceptance for All and Hope for an Inclusive Church. My motivation is simple and yet profoundly urgent for me: I don't want anyone in my extended human family to experience the sense of self-denial, self-hatred, fear, and isolation that I've struggled with my entire life as the result of assuming I'm unacceptable in God's eyes. No one deserves to struggle alone when there is so much love and beauty and connection to be experienced in the world.

For me, God's love is the bridge from my human imperfection, self-doubt, and pain to the unfathomable beauty of self-acceptance, love, and true connection with others.

I have hope. And as a child of God, I will Be a Bridge by sharing my story with anyone who will hear it and by striving to make my life a witness to the transformative power of God's love for me and for you, just as we are.

How will you "Be a Bridge"?

first bible verse ever posted on my blog?

2011-06-01T05:49:00.000-05:00

John 8:32 -- "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

Lots of truth lately. Discovering it, owning it, speaking it, hearing it, seeing it, feeling it.

good stuff.

Spring Break Pics: NYC/San Fran!

2011-05-26T12:56:00.000-05:00

A few sick days have afforded me the time to obsess over a few non-essential, yet rewarding projects. I've organized my photos in iphoto and have used the "faces" feature to tag every face in every picture. Why you ask? Because it's so cool. And now when I pull out my photos on my iphone, I can show you a folder of just pictures of me, or Franklin, or my mom.

I also sorted through my spring break pictures and chose the best to upload to flickr. Click here to see the whole set.

Right now, I'm watching Sondheim's "Company" and waiting on a UPS delivery, which I hope comes before I take Franklin to the vet. He's still itching due to allergies, despite a few weeks of natural supplements the vet prescribed. Also to do: drop off recycling (we've suspended our recycling practices for the last few months simply because our bins are full), fix one of our kitchen drawers, and pick up photos I had printed at Walgreens that I'm going to put in two sweet frames that I've had sitting in the closet for over a year, and mop the floors.

These past few days, I've been home with viral conjunctivitis (pink eye) and a wicked rash on my arms and neck that the dermatologist thinks is a slight allergic reaction to antibiotics I was on last week for strep throat. Thank God this all happened after my students' spring concert last Thursday. It seems that my body was holding on to get me through and has now demanded a break. And it's ok. It's a good reminder to take a little better care of my body. A little sickness gets me in touch with my body, forces me to slow down and pay attention.

Update: the UPS guy just delivered my package. Moving on.

loved this

2011-05-03T21:42:00.000-05:00

I almost teared up a little watching this google chrome slash "it gets better" commercial during Glee tonight. It's beautiful.

on bullying

2011-04-04T06:35:00.000-05:00

amazing

2011-04-03T14:32:00.000-05:00

(if you don't want to watch the whole thing, at least jump to the part where the horse comes out!)

dreamers

2011-04-02T14:16:00.000-05:00

In the senior class at the school where I teach, around 15 of the 76 seniors are "dreamers." We call them that if they are undocumented. Someone came up with the term connected with the failed "Dream Act." We don't openly identify them that way. Students can choose how open they want to be about it, obviously. I still throws me when I discuss future plans with seniors and they tell me they're not sure they'll be able to go to college. Ridiculous.

My dreams have been really vivid lately.

1. I entered my choir in a show choir competition. I'm well experienced in such competitions. I was in the "Counterpoints" for four years in high school. I wore a colorful array of sequined vests and other costumes. I lifted girls, jazzed my hands, and grinned till my lips quivered while we waited for the band to start the next song. I sang solos. I danced in the front row. I sweated buckets. I lifted risers, backdrops, instruments and props. (We had a set number of minutes to drag our entire set onto stage, perform, and get it off stage. Extra minutes resulted in point penalties.) So I KNOW show choir. And it's not all Glee makes it out to be. And it NEVER sounds or looks that good. But I loved it. So in my dream, imagine my horror when I realized the night before our competition that we had no plan for getting on or off stage. We had no band, so I started making a mixtape of accompaniment tracks. Then more horror. I hadn't timed our entire performance. I might have to cut some songs. Then more horror. I was so tired, I kept falling asleep while making the tape. (yes, a cassette tape.) And soon I had overslept and let my students down.

2. I was accompanying a film crew at some unnamed CPS high school. Someone was doing a story on schools in bad shape. This one was a mess. Walls were literally crumbling. Everything was monotone grey. I could only see in grey. We walked into an art classroom and students were getting ready to clean up. They were drawing at their desks and they had to wear hats with little headlights on them so they could see so it was dark in the room. It was really depressing.

3. Last night, I dreamt that I was in the flowerbeds in front of our condo building, in the dark. And I was trying to pull weeds. But I couldn't tell what was a weed and what was a flower. Then it was daytime. And the flowers and plants were HUGE! And they had forced their way through the curb concrete and busted out onto the street. And I took pictures with my iphone camera.

1. fear of failure?
2. sadness at the state of education?
3. spring is coming?

the talk

2011-03-14T17:43:00.018-05:00

I've been telling friends, nervously, that I'm kind of annoyed with Glee lately. The music becomes more and more processed and less and less realistic, the story lines more and more forced. Last week's episode was downright creepy at times, crossing student/teacher boundaries during Gweneth Paltrow's performance in class. It's just not cool.

But just when I think I'm annoyed enough to stop watching (I've skipped the previous 3 eps before this one), there is a glimpse of awesome. Kurt's father has the dreaded "talk" with Kurt and totally warmed my heart. If young people watch scenes like this and take them to heart, then it's almost worth the bombardment of mixed messages the rest of the show delivers.

Here's the best part and a clip of the scene:

"When you're intimate with someone in that way, you gotta know that you're exposing yourself. You're never gonna be more vulnerable, and that scares the hell out of a lot of guys...With two guys you've got two people who think that sex is just sex. It's gonna be easier to come by and once you start, you aren't gonna want to stop. You gotta know that it means something. It's doing something to you, to your heart, to your self-esteem, even though it feels like you're just having fun...When you're ready, I want you to be able to do everything. But when you're ready, I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person. Don't throw yourself around like you don't matter, because you matter."

hi-def dreams

2011-03-13T10:39:00.000-05:00

I've been having super vivid dreams lately. Not sure why.

Last night, I was a high school graduation type event. But instead of graduating from high school, I was being initiated into the military, as if it was required. Other mennonites I knew growing up were there and I could sense our shared discomfort, but there didn't seem to be any choice. We arrived at the auditorium after a parade through town, each of us driving our own tank, which was kind of scary since I had no idea how to operate one, but I figured it out.

One by one, we went on stage, received a certificate and a trophy of sorts as the officiant read a story of a famous military person who I suppose was supposed to be our patron saint of sorts. I lagged to the end of the line. I felt like I should speak up, resist. But I went along.

Then, all of a sudden, right before my turn, D.C. Myers, an institution in my growing up church got up on stage, explaining that he just couldn't resist. He started leading hymns. I was annoyed. Does he realize I still haven't received my certificate? (I saw it on the table already and they misspelled my first name--big surprise.) He led songs I knew. I sang along half-heartedly, still trying to figure out how and what to say to resist this seemingly inevitable right of passage.

But what does it all MEAN!?!

I've been reading "The Hunger Games" trilogy. Very violent. And it struck me last night--how would non-violent resistance have played out in the fictional world of Panem where citizens are slaves to the rulers of "the Capitol"?

It's ok.

2011-03-05T18:05:00.000-06:00

Could it be that my tendency to over-analyze, over-reflect, and totally live inside my head has led me to skewed life-long beliefs about myself? Yes.

This week, I've have glimpses of a me that lives in the present--a me that can truly engage others without fear of rejection or judgment.

I'm starting to regard my anxiety issues with gratefulness rather than resentment. At some point in my life, escaping reality by living inside my head was a functional coping mechanism. I was too afraid to face reality, my sexuality, my community. And my ability to retreat kept me safe. But now, I don't need that anymore. There is no rational reason to fear anything in my life now. And so now when anxiety creeps up my spine and through my bones, I can say "thanks, but I'm ok--I'm good here--I'll stay here."

I'm learning to be ok in the moment. Everything won't always be ok. But I can accept how I am, who I am, and who I'm becoming.

sassy gay friend returns!

2011-02-24T17:45:00.000-06:00

Romeo & Juliet is still the best, but there are a few good hits in here...

fabulous cover - born this way

2011-02-20T16:12:00.000-06:00

This 10 year-old kills a cover of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way." In a radio interview, Gaga invites her to join her on stage during the tour in Toronto to sing a duet. Gaga really does love her fans. And this girl is just too wonderful.

feeling old, feeling young

2011-02-17T16:34:00.000-06:00

These are amazing. A photographer is helping people reconnect with their youth by photographing them in reenactments of childhood photos.

Irina Werning says of her work: "I love old photos. I admit being a nosey photographer. As soon as I step into someone else’s house, I start sniffing for them. Most of us are fascinated by their retro look but to me, it’s imagining how people would feel and look like if they were to reenact them today... A few months ago, I decided to actually do this. So, with my camera, I started inviting people to go back to their future."

See the whole collection here.

level 5 (or is it 6, A?) 24/7

2011-02-08T16:12:00.002-06:00

would you hold it against me?

2011-02-06T12:52:00.000-06:00

I have to admit that although Britney's new single sounds a lot like all the rest, it's kind of grown on me. And THEN I saw this! This boy can sing! And somehow he makes Britney's shallow lyrics sound almost meaningful. enjoy

fist pumps

2011-02-06T12:43:00.000-06:00

Allison got a picture of us doing fist pumps and leg kicks posted on one of her favorite blogs "Today's Letters." On this blog, Fridays are "fist pump fridays" and she posts photos that readers send in of themselves.

This pretty much sums up how we felt about having two snow days from school this past week. It was relaxing and actually very surreal. It will be tough going five days straight this week.

Maybe I should start a theme day on my blog! Foldin' laundry Thursdays? Bloody Mary Mondays? Frenchie Tuesdays? Sarcastic Grin Mondays? Ideas?

haaaaay.

snow thunder!

2011-02-03T12:58:00.000-06:00

The blizzard Tuesday night really was thrilling. Thunder and lightening during a snow storm? I'm not sure I've ever witnessed such a wonder. And those of you who know David can imagine how crazy he was about this event...checking hourly on snow accumulations and predictions. Kind of like this weatherman.

blizzard!

2011-02-02T18:34:00.001-06:00

First there was this:

A 2.5 hour drive home from work on Tuesday. I left ASAP, but streets and highways were already treacherous. Allison was headed up north to a friend's place and we knew we were close to one another. Imagine my surprise when she honked her horn and pulled up next to me. We rolled down our windows, laughed, cursed the situation, and I snapped this picture. On the way home, David called to let me know he just heard on the radio that CPS canceled school for Wednesday--the first snow day since 1999!

Then there was this:

We had a blizzard party at Mark and Chris' place and then ended up stuck there (here). We kind of knew we would end up staying the night, but we weren't really prepared for how bad it would get. This picture is from the Tribune--Lake Shore Drive early this morning. Hundreds of cars were stranded there last night and people finally abandoned them early this morning. The city has spent all day trying to clear the mess.

Then there was this:

Franklin and I ventured out this morning to do his business. The drifts on the sidewalks were thigh-deep, but a plow had already been down the street once. The snow stopped for a while before the last wave came through in the late morning. Franklin is intrigued, but likes to get back inside ASAP.

Then a little:

Reading with Monte.

And:

After waddling and snooting around the apartment 100s of times, Franklin finally wore himself out and began napping.

And then some:

Settlers of Catan. Chris had to read us the extensive rules. It was fun, but I didn't really have a chance. It was during this game that I found out that tomorrow would be another snow day from school! Yahoo! Chris won.

And then:

Can you find Franklin?

on the 12th (or 11th) day of christmas

2011-01-05T23:08:00.001-06:00

So I realized after pastor megan's sermon sunday that perhaps my days o' christmas numbering was off. She welcomed us to church on the "8th day of christmas" when by my count it was already the 9th. Turns out (according to wikipedia) that some people count Christmas as the first day and others start counting on the day after, making Epiphany the 12th day of Christmas. Either way, the Christmas season is drawing to a close. Will our tree come down yet? I think not. Mostly cause I don't have the energy. But really--it's just so beautiful. I'm going to hold on a little longer before we abandon it at the tree graveyard in the park.

Sidenote, I was kind of glad to read (on wikipedia) that the notion of the song "12 days of Christmas" somehow representing stuff from the Christian tradition (12 apostles, the 4 gospels, etc.) is most likely a myth invented rather recently. I kind of like the fact that it's a secular song. Not sure why.

The transition back into work hasn't been as rough as I expected this week. That's a good sign. I haven't blogged much in the past month, but in summary, my new job has been very challenging and clearly a huge opportunity for growth. I'm continuing to learn to ask for help. I'm learning more and more about myself. And even as I found out I passed my National Board Certification process, I recognize that I'm only still at the very beginning of a long journey of learning how to be a teacher. And that's ok. I don't have to be perfect and in fact, perfection is not even actually possible. Recognizing that is a huge relief (believing it is a challenge however.)

I love this youtube video. I'll leave you with the pure joy of this guy's smile and the beautifully annoying mix of his processed voice and spinning visuals:

Merry Christmas!

on the 3rd day of Christmas

2010-12-27T13:27:00.001-06:00

Slow down, folks! The Christmas season is still upon us and I refuse to let it slip away so quickly! My Christmas tree will stay lit for the full 12 days of Christmas. (That's January 5th for those of you who are counting on your fingers now.) (And this is an extra parenthetical aside, especially for Tasara, who says I use these to often.) (As if.)

My parents and brother joined us Friday through Sunday to celebrate at our place, which has become an annual tradition after 4 years in a row. My mom and I tried for a second year in a row to make my grandma's perfect recipe for peanut brittle. We failed again--it didn't get brittle enough. But then we ventured out Christmas morning after opening gifts to buy some more peanuts to try again. This time we let the sugar cook longer and tested it by dripping some in cold water to see if it had brittlized. It had. And it turned out beautifully. It's the kind of thing that's pretty easy to make once you figure it out and it's cheap enough that you could make a ton of it and give it away as a really cool Christmas gift. (Remind me of this next year, Tasara.) Mom also brought her classic date cake which she mixes up with whipped cream. I ate a whole lot of it.

We played Blokus and Trivial Pursuit, watched Food Network and TLC...and dad and Joe watched football. David made amazing sausage and mushroom stuffing and we cooked a juicy ham for Christmas dinner. Mom showered us with thoughtful gifts.

I thought more than once that I should verbalize the observation that I'm so lucky to have such a loving family who supports me, my life, and my relationship with David. Alas, we are an anxious bunch of family. We think and worry way too much and don't always say the important things we're all thinking. What's important to me in the coming year, is to continue to be more present in the moment, which is something I tried to practice this Christmas season, which notable success I think. I have too much good stuff in my life to worry and angsterize through all of it. I want to share my thoughts, my fears, my feelings with the people I care about. I want them to know I love them and need them. I want to be comfortable admitting that I need help and that I'm not perfect. I want to believe that I don't have to be perfect. I am enough.

On this 3rd day of Christmas, I slept in, exercised, and I'm currently sipping a vanilla non-fat latte at the Coffee Studio. Next, when my free wifi runs out in a few minutes, I will start reading a book that I've meant to read for about 5 months. Wish me luck.

happy holidays

2010-12-14T21:22:00.001-06:00

oy! soon I'll be on winter break. will I blog more? maybe.

For now, please watch this video and smile. If you can't make it through all of it, then at least make sure you see their high kicks and splits. Amazing.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T09:02:00.001-06:00

Love Julie Taymor (Lion King on Broadway). Looks like this could be amazing! Spiderman!

Here's a preview of Kurt's debut performance with the all boy's school and his hotty crush. It's not nearly as good as the original Warblers song, but I'll take it.

I'm tired.

2010-11-23T15:00:00.000-06:00

I'm really tired dude. It's only Tuesday, but with Thanksgiving on its way, Wednesday is lookin' pretty good right now. My parents will travel to OK to visit my mom's family and since David is busy with work, we will stay in town and celebrate with Mark and Chris. It will be an all-day food/nostalgia-fest. I'm insisting on watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade in the AM and Home Alone in the PM. Chris will probably force some football on us at some point, at which time I'll get out some sort of craft project.

Big news in my teaching life: I'm National Board Certified yo! I just found on Friday after months and months of waiting on my scores. I'm proud of myself for this accomplishment but I'm fully aware that this has only been the start of a long journey of figuring out this whole teaching thing.

I feel like I have a lot more I could blog about, but as I shared earlier, I'm tired. I'm sitting at my desk at school...some students stay after on Tuesdays and Thursdays to practice piano. They rock.

an old letter that makes me sad

2010-11-16T22:12:00.001-06:00

(click to see the letter up close, ya'll)

Today, I got an email from the president of Goshen College asking me to complete an alumni survey. I felt extra-interested in this survey because just a last week I ran across a letter we got from GC alumni relations back in 2006. We had sent them news of our commitment ceremony months before, kind of knowing they wouldn't publish our happy news in the quarterly "Bulletin." But we wanted to give them the chance to honor us and force them to reject us if they felt they had to.

Already, I'm speaking in terms of "them" -- and in this case, we were rejected by the institution that is GC. Of course, the individual who wrote the letter probably feels differently, as does many of the other people who have to make tough decision and say tough things in support and defense of the institution they work for.

But reading this letter after letting it sit in the bottom of a drawer for 4 years felt really good. It reminded me that I have the right to be angry at the institution who so easily dismissed me and my partner as insignificant in their eyes, less than a year after graduating. If you read the letter, you'll notice that they never even own up to the fact that they are rejecting our news. They just praise themselves for being real great and having great alumni who love them cause they're real great.

And then this part, I love: (loosely paraphrasing paragraphs 3 and 4) "In the Bulletin, we published 1,000's of notes every year about news from our alumni -- births, deaths, marriages, degrees, awards, new jobs, service assignments, vacation stories, mole removals, particularly interesting facebook status updates, etc. BUT (paraphraph 4), we ONLY post stuff backed up by legal documents. So get back to us when you get married legally. And THEN we'll reserve our right dismiss your news because it's not contextually appropriate. Blah. Blahb."

Seriously? My marriage isn't "contextually appropriate"? My marriage isn't "pertinent for the Bulletin readership"? My marriage doesn't "reflect Mennonite Church USA"? (that last one doesn't even really make sense)

So in the "anything other comments" section of the survey I responded to today, I mentioned this letter and the resultant mourning I had to go through as my love for GC died a little, just months after graduating and leaving behind professors I loved. I loved what I experienced at GC and I loved the relationships that I found there. But I will never support GC financially as an institution in its current state. Clearly, this institution doesn't support me: an active member of Mennonite Church USA, an active member of my local congregation, a teacher working for social justice in a minority, low-income community, who just happens to be gay. I hear GC is having another rough year with low enrollment. Maybe it's time to take a radical step AWAY from the mainstream evangelical/conservative movement that it seems so obsessed with lately and get back to it's roots. "It" would have my full support, I'd send a check, and maybe even some students.

Unabridged

2010-11-10T06:10:00.000-06:00

Here's a great article about Unabridged Bookstore, an independent bookstore in Lakeview celebrating 30 years of existence. Worth Reading: Bookseller Ed Devereux’s Novel Idea.

(One of my favorite photos I've ever taken: the apartments directly above this bookstore on Broadway Ave in East Lakeview.)

congrats to A: 5 years of blogging

2010-11-09T18:06:00.000-06:00

My bestie Allison is celebrating 5 years of blogging! It's hard to believe we've known each other that long and at the same time, it's hard to remember a time when we weren't friends. Allison is inspiring to me because just gets stuff done--the complete opposite of my general mode of operation. I get stuck in my head far too often, thinking and worrying and analyzing. I think that we actually balance one another out in this way and should probably encourage each other to move away from our respective ends of the "get it done vs. think about it" spectrum.

As for our blogs, I think it would be amazing to take representative samples from both of our blogs and juxtapose them based on time and/or theme in a self-published, limited edition book. (total printed copies: 2) We'll see.

Speaking of 5's: David and my 5th wedding anniversary is coming up this Spring, which is also our dating anniversary (7 years...pretty much one quarter of our lives...) How will we celebrate? Perhaps with a big party! Stay tuned...

oh, hey there

2010-11-08T06:44:00.000-06:00

just a little jake to get the week started.

omg - so great

2010-11-06T10:06:00.001-05:00

Overall, I think Glee music is over-produced this season, but in this instance, I love it.

Found, Autumn morning walk

2010-11-06T09:54:00.000-05:00

one a day

2010-11-01T18:24:00.000-05:00

In 2009, Brock Davis created one cool thing every day and posted it online. Creativity just for the sake of it. A spiritual discipline really that I see as a goal of mine. I want to move beyond the fear and worry and get to a place of exploration and experience. I'm on my way. Scrolling through his daily work it so freaking soothing for me. Check it out.

THIS looks amazing

2010-10-30T19:09:00.000-05:00

Molly Shannon, Maya Rudolph, Tina Fey, (girl I don't know), Ana Gasteyer, Rachel Dratch, Cheri Oteri, Kristen Wiig. Is it pathetic that I can name them all? This is a shot from the "women of SNL" special that will air Monday night. I'm not sure if this will be an actual "Real Housewives" skit or just Andy Cohen hosting the reminiscing. Either way - awesome.

I've been seriously in love with so many of these ladies' characters of the years. They are my fantasy best friends. Cheri Oteri as the woman as the addict with a purse full of pills who puts on lipstick and gets it all over her face. Maya Rudolph as Whitney Houston and Donatella Versace (Get OOOOUT!). Molly Shannon as the "I'm 50" lady. A Kristen Wiig as...all of her characters.

Love em.

loves it

2010-10-28T23:01:00.000-05:00

I think this was the first day of my new job that I can honestly say I loved. Today, so many things just "clicked" -- connections with a choir that until now has been rough, relationships with students, raising my level of expectations for students, hearing my general music students perform piano solos for one another and offer amazingly productive feedback for each other...

And this morning, in the shower, I had an epiphany. I was soaping up and thinking about school--about all the things I didn't feel totally prepared for and all of the things I feel inadequate about. And suddenly, I realized: I'm in the shower. There is nothing I can do about anything at school in this moment. So for the next few minutes, I'm going to enjoy standing in this hot water, washing my hair, and waking up. Then I'm going to towel off and enjoy brushing my teeth. Then I'm going to take Franklin outside and enjoy the crisp morning air. Stop at Starbucks for a latte. Listen to NPR on as I drive. And I don't have to think about work until I get to work. Because there is NOTHING I can do about anything related to work until I get there.

How absolutely freeing! How has this never occurred to me before?

Loves it.

(PS: We watched Project Runway with Mark and Chris tonight after dinner out at Acre, a new restaurant in Andersonville. I'm sad that Mondo didn't win. His stuff was hot and amazing. But he'll be ok. Gurl.)

another it gets better

2010-10-27T21:50:00.000-05:00

I attended my first ever gay straight alliance meeting today as a teacher. It's hard not to think back with regret...wondering who I would be today had I been exposed to acceptance and tolerance as a teen. My heart melts over and over again. My 7th period sophomores are fascinated by the fact that I have a "partner" (which they tell me quite honestly I should be calling my "husband") and the fact that we had a commitment ceremony but don't really call ourselves married. They say things like, "That's dumb. We should change it so you can get married in IL. Why don't you go to one of the states where you CAN get married?" etc.

My own shyness about it makes me face the fact that I have a lot of growing up today--as a emotional being, as a person, as a teacher, as a partner, as a father (of a dog), as a musician. I have to let go of regret and shame and continue becoming the better person I know I can be.

I'm in hyper-critical choir director mode, trying to develop three choirs at the same time and singing in a really good choir for the first time in years--therefore, it's hard not to pick apart this video...but when all the friends and family join in singing, I DARE you not to get the chills or maybe even tear up a little. (And I have to point out that they clearly just chose the pretty boy to sing the solo because he looks good in a v-neck. I bet someone else could have handled it without a mic.)

Loves it:

Lion King on Broadway (on Randolph)

2010-10-23T18:36:00.001-05:00

Tonight is the night! My parents and my mom's friend Anne are here for the weekend to visit and join us tonight to see the Lion King! I clearly remember watching the 1998 Tony Awards when I was in high school and was amazed by this show, as well as other shows nominated that year: Ragtime and Sideshow. I became obsessed, downloading video clips of performances on Rosie and Letterman on our dial-up internet. When I got to college, Jen Y. broadened my awareness of musicals and I moved on from my early Lion King phase, but I've always wanted to see the show. We're going all the way with orchestra level seats; I figured we need to be close to see the amazing costumes!

Btw, I was quite fond of Jason Raize, who played Simba in the original cast. Sadly, I just read that he committed suicide a few years after his amazing 3 year run in the Lion King. Sad.

Here's an amazing performance by Jason on the Rosie show: "Endless Night."

And the Tony performance...

another youtube video

2010-10-21T16:43:00.000-05:00

Yea, so I'm mostly just posting youtube videos these days. Get over it ya'll. This is so great. Such happiness. Makes me smile uncontrollably.

in honor of mad men's season finale tomorrow

2010-10-16T08:56:00.000-05:00

I can't believe another season is over already. No other show has ever transported me to another place so immediately within the first minutes of each episode. It's beyond story-telling--it feels so real.

This video is awesome. The group's explanation: "We loved the song 'A Beautiful Mine' by RJD2 that plays during the opening credits of 'Mad Men.' We wanted to put lyrics to it and realized that 'Nature Boy' made famous by Nat King Cole, and written by eden ahbez, was the perfect fit. This was filmed in one take (this one, specifically, happened to be take 29 of the day)...no cuts, dubbing, lip-syncing or auto-tuning."

it gets better

2010-10-14T16:55:00.000-05:00

It's too bad that it takes tragedy to get all this inspirational talk going, but at least it's going. Of the "It Gets Better" videos I've seen, this might be the most powerful. It's long, but worth it.

so great

2010-10-12T21:22:00.002-05:00

youtube the old spice commercial if you have no idea why this is so great!

Saturday things

2010-10-09T13:28:00.001-05:00

want a desk?

columbus day is kinda messed up. (at my school, we call it "indigenous rights day")

i gotta stop biting my nails, again.

let's get some shoes.

surprise!

2010-10-09T10:05:00.000-05:00

I'm a little behind, but I wanted to blog about a surprise party for Katie R. that I was a part of last weekend. Greta organized us (me, Ross, David, and a friend of Katie's) to be in their apartment, when she and Katie got home from dinner. It was creeps to the max--waiting in the dark, imagining how horrified I'd be if I came home and was surprised by a group of people hiding in my house. Worst case scenario, people hiding behind the shower curtain. That's like my biggest nightmare. Well, Katie was surprised, but we lessened the shock by accidentally leaving her birthday cards on the dining room table. So she knew something was up before she reached the surprise zone in the bedroom.

Someone posted this AMAZING lip-sync video on facebook and I just die laughing. If you haven't seen the SNL sketch it's based on, watch it first (below, below). Kristen Wiig is a genius!

segregated city

2010-10-04T18:51:00.002-05:00

kinda crazy, right?

(source)

coming out

2010-10-01T16:40:00.000-05:00

Students are starting ask whether I'm married or not. I usually dodged this question at my old school and only told a few students who I thought would "get it" that I was gay and had a partner. I was truly scared of what kids might think and that I would lose their respect. I knew all along I was underestimating them, but fear is powerful. And students and even teachers at that school were really homophobic.

At this new school, I have more and more courage each day to just be who I am, which is so important for me as a teacher. I battle with myself daily over fears of being good enough and really owning the authority over my classroom. It's getting better, but it's still tough.

So when a few kids asked me today, I said, "Well, I have a partner, a guy. But we can't get legally married, but we would if we could." Responses (mostly sophomore girls in the vicinity): "I knew it!", "Awww, we still think you're hot!", "Marry me!!". Really inappropriate, but heart-warming. And suddenly, I owned myself and my surroundings just a little more.

Our school has an active Gay Straight Alliance that I will support in some ways, but it's nice to know I don't have to lead it. I can just stand back and appreciate that it already exists and is working to make our school a safe place for GLBT kids.

happy friday.

justice at its best

2010-09-30T07:31:00.000-05:00

"Power at its best
is love implementing
the demands of justice.

Justice at its best
is love correcting everything
that stands against love."

~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

(sometimes they are a bit cheesy, but I get a quote everyday from "Seasons of Nonviolence" that often seems to directly connect with my current life. Kind of like a horoscope, but way better.)

it's christmas time at the barn

2010-09-29T22:22:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of my love, David: Guys, these ornaments have real "German glitter" on them. And they're made of "old" music! How crafty! OMG. Maybe I can just make some? But where will I find real German glitter?

Check out the whole themed ornament/candle collection!

Let the mocking comments begin. (I haven't heard from you in a while, Tasara! What 'ya got for me? :)

And David, I'm totally not trying to mock you. We all love your love of the barn. I really do like these ornaments.

inspiration

2010-09-28T21:45:00.001-05:00

First this: A positive view of teacher quality. Apparently, teacher success depends a lot on the support they receive from their schoool, peers, and administrators.

Then this: I'm totally going to play this for my choirs tomorrow, partly as inspiration and partly because it's just so cool. I've hit a little 4th week slump with my choir groups. Enough guys are still uncomfortable and still searching for their voice that folks are starting to get frustrated. I'm trying to stay super upbeat, but it's getting tense sometimes. Today was standardized testing all morning. Mind-numbing, but my advisory class did really well as far as focusing and taking it seriously. I keep telling people when they ask how my new school is: "I haven't heard a curse word during class and I haven't seen a cellphone or mp3 in class." Now that we've gotten those basic behaviors out of the way, I can focus on actually teaching. Turns out, I have a lot of work to do. But I'm at a place where I've got support and lots of peers to look to as examples and collaborators. So I used to be like the teacher on the left up there, and soon I'll be the one on the right, but with shorter hair.

loves it hates it

2010-09-28T07:32:00.002-05:00

monday (hates it)
monday over (loves it)
coffee (loves it)
administering standardized tests (hates it)
early morning cuddling (loves it)
individually wrapped mozzarella string cheese sticks (loves it)
cool enough weather to wear my down vest (loves it)
wearing jeans every day to school (loves it)
early morning quiet in my classroom (loves it)
stressing (hates it)
biting my nails (hates it...well, apparently loves it on some level)
iphone 4 (loves it)
americano with 2 splenda (loves it)
rediscovering "Songs for a New World" by Jason Robert Brown (loves it)

why you gotta do me like that?

2010-09-27T18:44:00.000-05:00

monday. you jerk.

makin' everyone all grumpy in a grumpity cycle of grumps. me grumpy, students grumpy. me make students grumpier. students make me grumpierest.

stayed after school to put up some stuff on walls, makin my classroom look good and feel mine. traffic to the northside. sitting at starbucks working till choir practice. already ready for beddy.

reality

2010-09-26T15:34:00.000-05:00

Married to the Sea

i'm always up for a good cry

2010-09-24T06:59:00.002-05:00

I've always liked Julianne Moore, although it seems like she's been in some bad movies more recently in her career. This is a compilation of a bunch of scenes of her crying. She's a beautiful cryer.

good ones

2010-09-23T22:19:00.000-05:00

1. A student in one of my choirs asked if we could sing "White Winter Hymnal" by Fleet Foxes.

2. Another student in one of my choirs, one who I thought was totally way to cool to like choir or me, came to class reporting that she had watched youtube videos of other high school choirs performing a song we're working on, "Turn the World Around."

3. Tomorrow is a teacher development day. I know we have some good meetings/discussions planned and then some curriculum planning time and self-directed time. And a potlock, to which I will contribute the leftovers from a delicious squash soup David made tonight.

4. "Kayrn's is one part, sort of, like..." Allison mentioned in her blog that she and a friend dined at a Kayrn's restaurant and I couldn't believe I hadn't ever shown her the Check Please episode where this guy GLOWS about Karyn's. I can't find the entire clip, so some of the best lines are missing. Like "A raw food diet is kind of like a second boyfriend..."

True Mud

2010-09-23T19:51:00.002-05:00

loves it.

Hope

2010-09-21T17:02:00.000-05:00

It's blinding sometimes. And somehow I convince myself to close my eyes to possibilities of better.

Monday Report

2010-09-20T18:48:00.000-05:00

There was a little bit of reluctance to get out of bed, as with any Monday...and any weekday for that matter. I left late enough that I didn't stop to get coffee, knowing I still needed to prepare a bit for 1st period. And thus there was a confirmation that I need to start making coffee at home.

There were successes and disappointments in each class, as usual. I'm still getting to know my students, all 170 of them (approximately). And to them, I probably seem kind of nervous still, kind of weird/neurotic, and they probably have the suspicious that I'm pretty cool once I get the hang of things.

There was notice of a room assignment change. I was lucky to this point to have all 5 of my classes in the same room. Now it appears one of my choirs will meet in the dance studio. Sounds kind of cool actually, but there's no piano there at the moment. Hey, I'm flexible.

There was a tour of the neighborhood with the principal and other newbies. He pointed out school attendance boundaries, gang territories, the best place to get street tamales.

Now there is starbucks until choir practice: blogging, bill paying, emailing, goodle reader-ing.

After choir practice, there will be the notion that I should do something to prepare for tomorrow, but there will instead be chilling with David until bedtime.

And for you, there is:

This report by a blind guy about his awesome experience with the iphone.

This youtube music video by "OK Go" featuring tricky dogs.

This digital piano which will hopefully soon replace the desk that we don't really use in our spare bedroom so I can practice piano at home (with headphones, David).

Tomorrow:
Tuesday things. And the Glee premiere, to be watched with friends.

Teaching "Redefined"

2010-09-05T20:58:00.001-05:00

Ya'll, it's kind of scary in the CPS teaching world these days. Teachers are getting fired for no good reason at all. And there used to benefits for tenured teachers who are layed off for budgetary reasons, like you continue receiving salary while you look for a new position, get priority in reassigned for open positions, etc. Now, with the new tricky, evil ways Huberman and friends are doin it, you get nothing. It's sick. Redefinition has been around for a while--I saw it happen in my old school campus--but now it's being used much more openly and with apology.

Read this article by Ben Joravsky in the Chicago Reader about a specific case of one CPS teacher who was just fired from the building where I just began working. Teachers at my new school are so much more active in the union and aware of broader education politics, both CPS and national. It's empowering to have access to such passionate, talented people, but honestly it's also overwhelming to no longer be naive about where CPS is heading.

I'm going to get involved with CORE and get Allison to join me.

walk walk fashion baby

2010-09-04T10:51:00.000-05:00

oh hey gaga, see you tonight

if you haven't seen Jan Brewer's crazy awkward debate...

2010-09-04T09:52:00.000-05:00

...then watch this first,

then this...

feel better? or insane?

Glee at the Emmy's

2010-08-30T07:18:00.002-05:00

I missed the opening, but it's on the youtubles!

AWESOME>&*&*&! and Jon Hamm! and Tim Gunn!

things that happened yesterday

2010-08-29T23:23:00.023-05:00

1. As the culmination of the "Intro to 'Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind'" summer class, I performed with my classmates in our own production of the show. Our was 20 shows in 40 minutes rather than the usual 30 plays in 60. It was fabulous, moving, beautiful, and exhilarating. Wow. And what a confidence boost--to have created art and put it out there for my friends and strangers to see, all unapologetic and stuff.

I was talking with my therapist about how through this class I've realized (or maybe remembered) that I feel so secure and confident when I'm performing--on stage or in front of church or my classroom. David and others notice that my voice is different. I feel and sound more confident and purposeful. I used to see this as a weakness because for much of my life, I've been in a fake performance mode--playing fake roles--perfect little straight boy. But this little theater class helped me realize that now when I perform, I'm increasingly and more fully me. And there's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of anymore. Me is ok. Imperfect and ok.

A big shout to my entire row of supporters at the show yesterday! (Ross, Mallory, Antonia, Micaella, Dan, Abby, David, Allison, Joe, and Jenny.) You made me feel so at home.

2. Allison, David, and I celebrated all afternoon with various snacks and drinks throughout Andersonville. We celebrated a good day that according to David felt like vacation. We celebrated summer heat and the end of that summer feeling. We celebrated memories of a 5 year friendship that somehow seems like the majority of our lives. I love you Allison. Thank goodness we found one another. Keep rockin' the jean jacket.

3. As we walked north on Clark Street back toward our condo, a big SUV clipped a parked white honda's side mirror. It was loud and scary and the pieces of the mirror flew and ricocheted everywhere. We could have been killed. (nope) And turns out the owners of the white car where inside of it and had been preparing to either finish parking or to pull out of the spot. But it was totally the SUV person's fault. So the white car speeds after the SUV, I guess to get their license plate number. Probably the most excitement we've ever had on Clark Street.

4. David made a huge bowl of guacamole and we ate it so much gone.

5. The relief of the show being over and not having to worry about memorizing my lines was huge. But it left me really tired. But in little moments like in the picture below, I realize that my anxiety that clouds my minute to minute sometimes makes me forget how much I take David for granted sometimes. I wish you all knew really how amazingly creative David is. I wish I could embed youtube videos of the dances he does around the house to improvised versions of pop songs, children's songs, and musicals. Sometimes I nearly die from giggling at the perfect obscurity of his verbal creations. No one but him could come up with the things he does. And just when I think I've heard all he has to say, there's something new and wonderful (or vulgar). I love you David.

6. We watched another episode of "The Wire". I'm now in season 4 which focuses, in part, on the Baltimore public school system. I could blog entire posts about this, but let's just say, I'm enjoying this season and also very saddened by it. Way too real.

7. I got permanent marker on one of my favorite tshirts during the show. The price we pay for art.

JT memory

2010-08-28T08:14:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure what reminded me of this, but in my sophomore year of college, I remember watching this video over and over and over again. Justin looks a little young, but back then he had grown up so much since N'Sync. Yes, I was pretty into N'Sync. Deal.

I remember showing this to people because I was so into him. And I remember showing it to one friend in her Yoder dorm room and then yesterday I got an invitation this week for her wedding! Look at us now.

(my favorite moment is at 3:23...sexy vocal fry)

But a special friendiversary and my Chicago theater debut.

2010-08-27T23:06:00.000-05:00

I've been at my new school for two days now for professional development and getting-going as a staff. I'm loving it. So fresh, real, and human. I'm excited to meet some students next week for freshmen orientation--I'll have a freshman division (homeroom). Thursday, we broke into staff teams to go to our incoming freshmen students' houses to meet their families and invite them to the orientation. My partner and I didn't find many folks at home, but it was still cool.

The picture above is of a factory near the school. It's in a really industrial area. So far, it seems that my commute will be pretty similar timewise. It's actaully almost the exact same distance as my previous commute. Today, I took my sweet time getting home--lots of coasting and moderate speeds--and I scored 68.5 mpg! Cray-cray (as my favorite girl on Project Runway said this week. btw, anyone else watching this season? It's getting interesting. Tim Gunn totally told it like it is this week about how Gretchen is a manipulative bully. Loves it0>OIO)

Tonight, we chilled at home. Watched Project Runway. David made noodles. I think he'll admit that this dish didn't turn out so well. "Didn't want to waste calories on it" was how I put it. But normally, he's an amazing kitchen creator. But you're bound to miss sometimes when you rarely use recipes. But it's ok, especially if you always begin your sentences with 'but' like they told me never to do in 3rd grade. And you shouldn't start with 'and' either.

Tomorrow, I make my debut in the student version of Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind: 20 plays in 40 minutes. I wrote 2 of the plays and I think I'm in 9 of them. I'm super nervous about getting through my monologue without blanking on memorization, but it'll be ok.

And then, after the performance, I'll be able to relaxxxxx and start the party with Allison celebrating our 5 year friendiversary! We arbitrarily chose this date because we're not sure of the exact day we met. But it was about a week before the start of CPS classes. We were moving into our Hyde Park apartment as part of the Urban Life Center student teaching program. It was like the Real World and I think only a few of had arrived. Right away, she sized me up sitting across the room, noticing my ring, "So do you have a girlfriend?" "Well, I have a boyfriend. We're engayged." "Oh cool."

I told David later that I wasn't sure how to read her. Cool with it? Conservative? A couple of weeks, glasses of wine, teaching seminars with Alfrances, city explorations, pumpkin kickings, starbucks drinkings, and hollers later, and we I knew this was going to be major. She's fabulous and I can't believe it's been 5 years already. Dude.

threadless sale haiku

2010-08-27T06:10:00.000-05:00

t-shirts are on sale!

you should buy them through this link

you will earn me points

connected to the google, connected to the government

2010-08-26T17:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Adam mentioned a new feature in gmail that didn't show up on my account until today. Now you can make a call to any US phone number from within your gmail chat account (over on the left side below your name in the chat frame). Woah. Crazy.

Tried it out by calling myself (cause I have no friends apparently) and the number shows up as a CA area code. Google is taking over the world, one area code at a time. Makes me think of M.I.A.'s new album which opens with "The Message" - in all techno/rawbass/distortionspeak:
"headbone connects to the neckbone
neckbone connects to the armbone
armbone connects to the handbone
handbone connects to the internet
connected to the google
connected to the government

headbone connects to the headphones
headphones connect to the iphone
iphone connected to the internet
connected to the google
connected to the government"

clever, catchy, scary

sytycd? favorites

2010-08-24T10:19:00.001-05:00

As Nigel Lythgoe often reminds us, So You Think You Can Dance has really made dance accessible for the average tv viewer and has made already-dance-fans like me even more crazy about dance as an art form. I ran across one of these clips on youtube and then spent a couple hours scouring the tubes for my favorite clips. Many of them are missing, but these three definitely strike me as must-sees and make me realize that I don't think anything this season really captured my attention like stuff from earlier seasons.

Enjoy.

Perhaps my favorite top four ever. Loved them each, especially Travis and Donyelle. Especially Travis. By the way, Travis (who choreographs for SYTYCD now) had my ultimate dream hair this season. Perfection. I'm jealous.

This is possibly one of the best music selections ever - "The Moment I Said It" by Imogen Heap. And paired with strong Mia Michaels choreography and Danny in the center shirtless, you just can't go wrong. By the way, this song is perfect to run to.

Neil and Sabra. Table dance. Yums...love Sabra, but imagining Sabra replaced by Travis.

Still gets me deep down. The most emotionally beautiful piece ever on the show. I really loved Kayla after this dance.

round the fire

2010-08-23T22:02:00.000-05:00

The country is relaxing and maddening at the same time. It's so quiet, beautiful, refreshing. One minute my mind is empty and the next it's overwhelmed with the clarity of all I could/should be doing.

Comments on the photos:
the fire is beautiful
hotdogs are and tasty, franklin is rude
my mom's hair is beautiful, she's been letting it grow out

what's that in her hand? (100 points if you can guess. but you won't)

franklin likes the farm

2010-08-22T14:26:00.003-05:00

59.8!

2010-08-22T14:23:00.000-05:00

I drove the whole way from Chicago to my parent's farm in IN yesterday and made it my goal to try to average 60 miles per gallon in the Prius. This meant not always quite maintaining the speed limit in order to coast enough when going uphill, which drove David insane. But I calmly reminded him (over and over again) that going a few mph under the limit only makes a few minutes difference in the long run.

I also discovered that it's quite true that if you follow closely behind a semi-truck, you can "draft" in the airstream it creates. You can actually feel when all of a sudden you're in the right spot and the air resistance is way lower and I could let off the pedal quite a bit, which means way higher MPGs. No, it's not very safe, so I only did it for a bit to experiment. But I was impressed.

So as we parked here on the farm, the prius display read 59.8 mpg. Not bad! (of course, when I figure the consumption directly from mileage and gallons used, it's always a bit lower) But still. Cool. It's amazing how much better mileage you get if you pay attention--and it really doesn't mean driving slower, just coasting when you can and accelerating more evenly.

David has been driving the Prius all summer and I'm excited to get it back and use it for my new route to my new school.

delayed or repeat? (portland cello project)

2010-08-22T13:41:00.001-05:00

I can't remember if I already posted this or not--I probably did on facebook, but I'm too lazy to look through my blog for it. A ways back this summer when Tasara was visiting (rather, when she was home), Adam and I joined her for a "Portland Cello Project" concert at Millennium Park. I thought this little video was a perfect snapshot of how unique concerts are in this space. SO relaxing. Nothing like it. I should look back through my google calendar to see how many I attended this summer, but I'm pretty sure it was a personal record.

Enjoy (possibly again?).

Apple Products, Priuses, Obama, Wine

2010-08-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

Stuff that white people like that I also like...as an individual white person.

I saw these posters linked somewhere a long time ago and meant to post them...and then I just did. StuffWhitePeopleLike.com posts some pretty clever stuff that makes me grin knowing grins a lot and even sometimes makes me LOL. I mean, I don't like everything on their list. But I sure do like most of it. Or at least I say I do. They should add "screen-printed poster art" to the list.

Check out the posters (not here) (nope, not here either) here.

but he is sleeping with me

2010-08-20T06:19:00.001-05:00

I was really impressed with the Old Spice commercial this is based on. After the superbowl (I seriously can't even tell you who was in the superbowl, but I remember this), I watched a long video about how they made that commercial, and they did it totally without special effects. Incredible. If you don't know what commercial I'm talking about, google it up on the youtubes.

But now this:

Things Left Behind

2010-08-19T09:34:00.001-05:00

Took another trip to my old school this morning to continue gathering my things. Lots of mixed emotions. One more trip tomorrow morning will complete the moving out process. I'll leave my keys behind.

This is a snapshot inside one of my closets: choir books in the back and a little useless desk organizer that I had sitting on my groupwork table. Miraculously, that Anne Frank quote I wrote on there remained untouched for months, but in the last days, someone added "Don't nobody care about mz. sunshine." I know who mz. sunshine is and although that phrase is supposed to make her sound hard and untouchable, it's actually a really sad statement.

onward

a walk with Franklin

2010-08-19T06:51:00.000-05:00

The other day I snapped these two photos while walking Franklin. They are captioned below. I absolutely love the hipstamatic iphone app, in case you haven't noticed.

I'm Convinced

it wasn't him

no feeling is final

2010-08-18T22:14:00.002-05:00

"Beauty and terror.
Just keep going.
No feeling is final."

Rainer Maria Rilke

Today I am not afraid of feelings,
mine or yours.

instant gratification

2010-08-17T20:38:00.000-05:00

Blogger now has spam control for comments, so I've removed comment moderation to try it out! And since only about 3 people ever comment anyways, it shouldn't be an issue.

SO. Now you can comment and IMMEDIATELY see how your comment looks on my blog!

So far, together we've all commented 881 times on my blog since it's birth. Perhaps I'll offer a prize to the 1,000th commenter! (Hey, we've gotta get some action going on here somehow. It's certainly not going to happen from increased posting. mmmK?)

Try it out. You know you want to!

Happy Birthday Madonna

2010-08-16T23:47:00.005-05:00

Today is Madonna's 52nd birthday and last night Martha, Adam, David and I did it up real big to celebrate. Berlin had an extra special Madonnarama night (normall only the 1st Sunday of the month).

I'm tellin' ya, I'm not much of a dancer, but there is something magical that happens at Berlin with Madonna remixes flowing. Crazy. We started out at Scarlet, a little bar on Halsted, enjoying champagne and mimosas and then headed to Berlin to continue a night that I would put up at the top of my most-fun-times-ever in Chicago. I feel so lucky to live in such a sweet city and have such sweet friends.

Below is the only photo evidence of the night, taken sometime after 2am when we left Berlin, walking the quiet streets trying to find an open restaurant. Ironically, we ended up at Melrose, the same place our little quartet ended up years early after a wild birthday party downtown. And in keeping with tradition, I wasn't feeling well enough to eat and spent most of the time in the bathroom. Nuff said.

Still, funnest night ever.

I want to go back for the Sept Madonnarama, even though we'll just have returned from MI in Gaga mode. But it's labor day weekend. And anyone in Chicago should join us.

battery life

2010-08-06T15:59:00.000-05:00

I just discovered a new feature of the new iphone OS (a big deal for me, ya'll). You can opt to display exactly what percentage of your battery power remains! I LOVE knowing this exact stat. It helps me conserve more when the battery is still mostly charged when I see it ticking down. Loves it.

how'd I turn my shirt inside out?

2010-08-04T13:38:00.001-05:00

Our friend Mark invited us to go in on a suite that his friend is organizing for the Lady Gaga concert in Detroit Labor Day weekend!!! I've never been to a concert of this magnitude and definitely not of this gagatude.

Mark suggested making shirts and going o use his idea from "Just Dance," printing "how's I turn my shirt inside-out" on an inside-out tshirt. Love it."

We also might get a party bus to drive us around so we can really do it up right. What a way to end summer vacation!

Did you hear Gaga just got 14 VMA nominations, a new record!

Interview with Sassy Gay Friend (at least the guy who plays him)

2010-08-04T10:20:00.001-05:00

David discovered this last night--an interview with Brian Gallivan who plays SGF. I actually really like this guy's interview style!

"Ophelia so bad for yourself, move away from the watah!"

ohio

2010-07-23T12:53:00.001-05:00

(up close and with flash)

Bunk beds, "friend" from Chicago, making sure Franklin doesn't have accidents, and lots of playing with the kids. The hipstamatic makes it all look a lot more exciting and beautiful than it is. Oh, and that dried brown flower in the midst of the pretty ones, that's kind of how I feel here. But dread not! I return to Chicago on the overnight megabus in time for my Neofuturist class tomorrow. And I must have a 2 minute monologue written by then.

Tomorrow starts my more-than-a-week long celebration of summer and a new job! There will be 2 plays, a movie, drinks, a concert at millennium park, a SYTYCD viewing party, Madonna-rama dancing, ice cream, lots of coffee, the beach, a Sondheim celebration concert at Ravinia, and plenty more "The Wire" in between all that.

There will also be trips to my new school and my old school so I can start planning the transition of me and all of my schtuff. It's amazing what I've managed to cram into my rather large classroom over four years. Thankfully I have all of August to complete the transition.

a brave step forward

2010-07-20T17:11:00.001-05:00

Ha. Bet you saw the title and thought this was one of my therapy posts about teaching or my self-image. Gotcha.

I posted this video on facebook already, but if you didn't see it, it's worth watching. My brother Joe was here for a few days last week and we visited the new "ledge" at the Willis Tower. It really was kind of scary to step out onto the glass(?) and look down and out. Some fools were jumping up and down to try to scare their kids, which you can see in the video. It's an expensive journey, but worth doing if you come to town or have people come to town. We also visited the Field Museum which I haven't done since childhood. He got one of those flattened penny mementos--goofy but I was kind of jealous of it once it popped out. I was joking with someone that it seems like it was almost the first extended time I've spent alone with him when my parents weren't around since I left for college. He's a good guy and it's nice to be getting to know him again now that he's becoming an adult. Good times.

love makes you crazy

2010-07-19T16:52:00.000-05:00

Juliet tells her sassy gay friend that "love makes you crazy." Well I would say so, too. Jobs can make you crazy too--it the good way and the bad way. Without spreadin my bizness too much (I've resisted a facebook announcement so far), I'm thrilled to report that I have an exciting new teaching job. Ring me up or email me if you want more details--I love to talk about it...with anyone with even marginal interest.

In the meantime, I really want to see film "I am Love," featuring the Italy&love-makes-her-crazy-hot Tilda Swinton and a score by the minimalist-piano-music-makes-him-famous Philip Glass.

No really, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here. The good kind!

Happy birthday!

2010-07-17T22:16:00.000-05:00

It's my blog's 5th birthday y'all! I was going to do a big special post but didn't have time today. So this is all for now!

a weekend in Goshen

2010-07-14T12:14:00.002-05:00

Many months ago, we set aside a weekend to have an adventure with our friends Martha and Adam. Originally the idea was Wisconsin. Then it got closer and closer and we got lazier and lazier and didn't many any plans. Then Martha suggested we head to Goshen--what better place to relax and refresh than a lovely little town we already know so well?

So we spent this past weekend in Goshen, hitting up old favorites and discovering a few new places that we either didn't take advantage of when we lived there or that have since joined the vibrant Goshen local business scene. The pictures in this little movie were all taken at the following places: in our hotel, at Rachel's Bread, down by the dam, outside Dam Green house (where Martha and I lived one year), around the college cabin, at the Electric Brew (my mom joined us for lunch there), at El Camino Real #4, at a roadside Amish farm store where my mom had ordered big boxes of blueberries, at my mom's friend Anne's house (she gave us daffodil bulbs to plant in front of our condo!), at A Constant Spring, and at the Olympia Candy Kitchen.

It should be noted that although Adam did not attend Goshen College like the rest of us, he appreciates Goshen for the little gem that it is. And he's heard enough stories and references to Goshen and the college that he might as well have gone there.

I still say that if I were ever to move to a smaller city, Goshen could work for me. I'm so impressed with the downtown scene. They've got a lot going on and the momentum only seems to be building.

Go Goshen.

(music on the video is by Philip Glass and all the pictures and video were taken on our iphones, many using our new favorite app "Hipstamatic". You can look at my pictures from the weekend in my flickr set by clicking on the thumbnails below. David took some of the pictures in the video. You'll have to ask him if you wanna see his.)

long run

2010-07-13T14:26:00.003-05:00

I ran 6 miles this morning! I'm finally getting conditioned to run further and further without ever really feeling out of breath or getting any muscle cramps. Now it's just a mind game--just keep going.

I'm going to try to edge up one mile or so every few weeks. David is on board too, but he just doesn't have the energy/time. The challenge will be to keep up an exercise when I return to work in the fall. That's always the challenge. But feeling this good would be worth making it a priority.

a torso boat? NO. (Sassy Gay Friend)

2010-07-13T10:06:00.000-05:00

This isn't the best episode, but it's always good when Sassy Gay Friend puts out. Here is "Sassy Gay Friend: The Giving Tree"

(I think that we can all agree that the Romeo & Juliet sketch is the funniest. Every single line is perfect!)

yelpin my butt off

2010-07-13T08:54:00.000-05:00

So I'm trying to get back to yelp elite status ya'll. Plus, I've really gotten into "checking in" on the yelp iphone app--basically, it tracks how often you go to certain spots and you compete against other yelpers to be the "duke" of that restaurant or store. It's similar to "foursquare," an app that I gather is really popular in NYC which allows people to "check in" and thus let friends know where they at so theys can come out and chill ya'll. Of course, Allison and David are my only real friends with this yelp app. And of the three of us, I'm the only one using it religiously. But hey, I'm trying to get things moving here.

So check out my neighborhood yelp map below--all the reviews I've written about places in our 'hood.

I'll be yelp elite again before you know it. And THEN I'll show them...that...I...have a lot of time on my hands. Ya'll. Summer break.

My 'Hood. Edgewater/Andersonville

What's this?

Prop 8 101

2010-07-12T23:44:00.000-05:00

Have you been following the Prop 8 court proceedings? I hear bits and pieces on NPR, but this short video gives an overview of just exactly what's gone done over the last few years. Check it out. (Saw this on Towleroad)

Mad Men

2010-07-11T21:39:00.001-05:00

Can't even wait for July 25th--the 3rd season of Mad Men starts. Delicious.

David, Martha, Adam, & I spent the weekend in Goshen. More to come on that, but I'll say now that I had a "dark & stormy," which Allison taught me about, and which I need to start making as another summer drink. (ginger beer + dark rum) Also, margaritas and pina caladas. And of course more mojitos.

Tomorrow starts another wide open summer week. My brother is planning on coming later in the week which is super exciting! Otherwise, no big plans. Beach, The Wire, blogging, training the Franks.

Cuztom Profiler

2010-07-08T18:00:00.004-05:00

My friend Kenan did me up some "cuztom profiler" deals here. It's a pretty sweet thing he does if you send him a sort of candid, serious, off-beat photo. I'll hook you up if you want one. It's the best thing ever.

MOVE OVER or GET AWAY

2010-07-08T17:56:00.000-05:00

I've been running pretty regularly since summer break started and David has been getting into it, too! It's good practice for me in our relationship to encourage him to keep going when he wants to quit without making him feel bad or being mean. My own issues often keep me in defensive mode, even (and especially) with David who is the person I'm closest to in my life. I have this cool mind trick where I take things I don't like about myself, and then get mad (openly or inwardly) at others for pointing those things out to me, when really, I'm just projecting my own disappointment on them.

Anyways, it's fun to run together. But if he gets too close and we accidentally brush sweaty arms (awww...NO), I'm like "MOVE OVER" or "GET AWAY" in a loving, yet very firm way.

As you can see in the nikeplus chart above (my ipod tracks my running), I'm slowly working up to longer distances. Need to get new shoes soon so my knees don't get all whacked.

Fuerza Bruta

2010-07-07T23:30:00.001-05:00

Made myself a downtown adventure today to buy a ticket to see "Equus" tomorrow night and to see "Fuerza Bruta" this night. I thought I knew what to expect, but it was way more interactive and invigorating than I imagined. And they allowed picture-taking! I tried to make sure not to just experience the whole show looking through my iphone, but I managed to capture bits of some of the most impressive acts. The entire audience was on stage. Stage crew people told us when to move out of the way so set pieces could be wheeled amongst us. A major part of the show happened above us--women sliding and squiggling through a big puddle of water which we viewed through a super strong big piece of suran wrap. It was crazy. Thumping club music soundtrack, a nonsensical language, crazy dancing, mist and wind in our faces, exploding confetti, and water pouring on a section of the crowd at the end. Check it out.

Plays through Sunday.

want: sweet fan

2010-07-07T14:37:00.002-05:00

Sweet Sweet Fan. Check it out!

look at your phone. look at your choices.

2010-07-07T11:55:00.004-05:00

So he'll probably be annoyed that I'm blogging about this before he does, but he doesn't really blog anymore and he already posted it on facebook, so here goes:

David dropped his brand new iphone 4

and the glass on the back shattered.

(oh snap.)

I'm just glad it wasn't me.
there, I said it.

But really folks, now I have a serious dilemma. In the last weeks of using my iphone 3g, I took the cover off and enjoyed my iphone cover-free. It felt better, looked better, and soon I was a cover-hater. "Hell no I won't be covering up the beauty of my iphone 4!" I scoffed. "The glass on the new iphone is super hard! Watch the video! I'll just be really careful."

Well, looks like the glass can and will break. And chances are, I will drop it at least a few times in it's lifetime. If I had a sassy gay friend, I'm pretty sure he'd say "What - What - What are you doing?!" But then I'm not sure if he'd chastise me for not getting a cover or for covering up the beautiful phone.

David lucked out and the apple store replaced his phone for free. He also bought 2 "bumpers" for us to protect our techbabies. I hate them. They cover up the sexy stainless steel band on the edge of the phone and make the whole thing...less sexy.

If I must get a case (and I'm still not convinced I must), I will at least search out an aesthetically pleasing one. This one's pretty (below). Made in Oregon out of bamboo. And they'll laser engrave one of their designs or your own unique design on the back. Any advice? Should I gamble and keep my phone unfettered by extra plastic, rubber, or wood? Or should I protect it? Sexy and daring or lame and safe?

Franklin Training Wish list

2010-07-06T23:54:00.000-05:00

I feel like I'm planning a lesson with objectives here. We've enlisted the help of a professional dog/owner trainer who is coming tomorrow morning for our first session: 2.5 hours of intensive family training/therapy. I'm well aware that Franklin's main issue is anxiety--he just can't handle himself unless he has our full attention or is nestled down next to us on the sofa. Wherever could he get these anxious behaviors from? His daddies! Although David doesn't really identify with the term "anxiety," I would say that he and I each have our own brand of anxiety that we carry in our household. It's no surprise that our puppy has picked up an intense combination as a result. Makes me (sigh) anxious when thinking of ever raising a child.

Our trainer told us to have a wish list ready tomorrow to discuss.
...without further ado...

"Franklin's Training Wish List!"

Overall Goal: Less Anxiety
--No peeing in the house.
--Chill out. Be independent while we do other things around the house.
--No jumping up on people’s legs.
--Relaxed walking, without stubbornness, no endless sniffing.
--Calm around Bailey (the cat).
--Calm/Confident around other dogs.

I'll let you know how it goes.

mild & moderate dysplasia(stic?)

2010-07-06T17:33:00.001-05:00

(Doesn't that machine look crazy? I bet it's expensive and makes you look really good.)

It's been 2 weeks since the dermatologist "scraped" 2 moles off of me and sent them away for testing. I now have some gnarly, yet perfectly round scars-to-be on my stomach and back. He said they'll be red for a long time and then eventually turn whitish. "Should I be putting anything on them?" I asked. "Sunscreen," he replied, as if to elicit a laugh. "Oh, you mean for scarring? Well sometimes people use scar gels that minimize scarring, but I think these will be fine."

(Imagined conversation) "What are you trying to say? I'm not pretty enough to worry about scarring my already imperfect skin? What? You just assume I don't model shirtless for catalogs or sexy underwear ads? Fine, let's just take a gamble with my freakin' livelihood here! Sure, it'll probably turn out just fine!!!!"

No, but really, I've never really gotten a scar before. Kinda cool.

Results:
mole on my tummy: mild dysplasia
mole on my back: moderate dysplasia
(mild=no big deal, moderate=glad we took it off, severe=yikes)
He said that these are considered pre-cancerous, meaning left alone, they could eventually turn into skin cancer. No good.

He rubbed some silver nitrate to ..."eat up" some of the extra scar tissue and injected them with cortisone to encourage flat scarring.

As I stood waiting to pay my co-pay, I read little ads for various skin treatments posted all around the check-out window. Nice to know that eventually, when I'm like really old, you know like ___ (insert a number that makes you uncomfortable and that makes you resent me for thinking that age is old) (lol), I can just go to the dermatologist to feel young again.

I generally like that I look young, but I'm not desperately holding on to it. I'm glad to still look 20-something, but excited to be nearing 30-something. Will I look 30 or still 20? Hmmm....

Oh yea,

check out this post from July 16, 2007,

during the first and only summer I ever got really tanned: The Skin I'm In.

youtubes

2010-07-05T18:37:00.001-05:00

1. Trailer for "The Kids Are All Right." Dramedy about a lesbian couple with two kids who finds their sperm donor "father." I like Julianne Moore. And the guy who plays the donor dad.

2. "Camp Camp." This looks like so much fun. It's particularly fun to watch this today after hearing a great "This American Life" Saturday about the summer camp phenomenon--it's a totally different universe, not unlike a religion with songs, ceremonies, traditions, and offices.

3. "California Gays" parody of Katie Perry's "California Girls." It's a little intense, but I keep watching it over and over, impressed with the amount of work they put into filming, choreography, and editing. If you can't make it all the way through, at least watch the Cali vs. NYC showdown around 1:40. Hi-larious.

happy interdependence day!

2010-07-04T23:08:00.000-05:00

Pastor M shared an inspiring meditation today about focusing on our interdependence on one another, encouraging us to listen to those with whom we disagree and suggesting that we can be simultaneously passionate about our beliefs and also be passionate about building relationships with those who hold opposite beliefs. I've definitely learned that the more you learn about a person who is very different than you, the more complicated everything gets and the harder it is to sum them up into a single idea. I find this to be particularly true of my students. And I believe that if we teachers were truly trained in the art of "prophetic listening," we would gain incredible insight into the emotional lives of our students and we would have no choice but to alter our teaching practices and school environment accordingly.

And so today I celebrate interdependence day. I need you, you need me, we need 'them', 'they' need us, etc.

(The pink streamers are from a multiple birthday party at the Groff's place this afternoon in Pilsen. I was mesmerized by the movement of the streamers, lifted in the updraft.)

Then we met Martha and Adam at Foster beach to watch Fireworks. We walked past lots of happy groups setting off their own private, illegal fireworks--really pretty dangerous, but festive nonetheless.

PS. These photos are taken using the Hipstamatic app on my iphone. loves it.

this was filmed and edited entirely on an iphone 4 (try that on an HTC Evo)

2010-07-01T15:02:00.000-05:00

Pretty impressive!

Watch the short film and the behinds the scenes footage that follows.

True Colors

2010-07-01T08:15:00.001-05:00

This video was posted on a favorite gay-focused blog Towleroad. It's about an inspiring program supporting LGBT youth and it makes me feel even more sure that I need to push the discussion at the high school where I teach. I've mentioned to a few students about the idea of starting a Gay-Straight Alliance--they've never heard of such a thing. I tell them that lots of CPS schools have them and there's no reason they shouldn't have one, too. I have students who are longing for a place to just freakin relax and stop having to defend their existence. I want to create that space.

I've been thinking about seeing if there would be some volunteering I could do somewhere to support a program like this here in Chicago. I'm sure they exist.

Status: Yelp Elite [?], Teacher Elite [?]

2010-06-30T23:42:00.000-05:00

Last night, Allison invited me to attenda Yelp event at a Japanese restaurant downtown called Izakaya Hapa. (us pictured above) Only "Yelp Elite" members are invited; Allison is Elite, I used to be. So I was her +1. How do you become "Yelp Elite," you ask? Write lots of reviews, participate on the site, and in Allison's case, just ask. I remember back when they first offered me elite status in '06. I was an eager yelper back then, hunting down places that no one had yet reviewed. In fact, I remember when I first discovered yelp.com when it was brand new. I loved it. And I loved getting the "1st review" star next to my reviews (I have 24). Alas, I got busy, lost interest, got lazy. Well girls, I'm back at it! At least...in the next week I will be. I'm gonna write up a bunch of reviews, then email the yelp folks and ask to be reinstated as yelp elite once more!

And today, I completed the last step in the process to become certified with the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards. I submitted the written analysis and reflection of my teaching back in March and today I took the content/pedagogy tests. Now we (Allison and my teacher friend/colleague Tera) wait until November to find out whether or not we've "achieved" (as they say...they being national board certified teachers, not Allison and Tera...well, we say it too now I guess). Honestly, the whole process is so cryptic, because you're not allowed to share your finished work with future candidates or talk about the tests. So I really can't tell how I've done. I feel like I did awesome, but of course I don't want be overly confident. I could certainly fail. We'll see. But the great thing now is that there's not a thing I can do about it.

Summer!